Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Empower Your Broken New Year’s Resolution Any Time of Year: by Wendy N

Found this great article on new year resolutions. Though not related to relationships, makes for a great read, so added it to my blog. Here goes:
You had good intentions. But that resolution is broken, or on its way. Just like last year. This year you’ll learn what to do about it. Next year you’re a pro. Frankly, there are problems with traditional New Year’s resolutions:

1. Why we make them: a yearly tradition. It a rare person who makes them only when aiming for something compelling. Making a New Year’s resolution is a tradition our country shares, not always meaningful to the individual. We create them haphazardly.

2. How we declare them: on New Year’s Eve or Day. We invest little thought or effort. We do it after imbibing champagne. Yet that little scribble is supposed to guide our year, inspire our lives? Who are we kidding?

3. Lack of follow through. We have no plan. We think that by making a statement and jotting it down, we’ve done the work.

4. Failure is expected. Perhaps required. We failed last year. The year before. Our friends failed. Our officemates. There’s a lot of joking about failed resolutions. It gets attention. Creates camaraderie. If you talk about success, however, you may become an outcast. Ouch!

5. Resolutions are forgotten. Do you write yours down? If yes, where is it? If in your keepsake box, or at the bottom of the laundry bag, how often do you look at it? Remind yourself? Make adjustments? Is NEVER often enough for you? So should we just stop making New Year’s resolutions? Not so fast.

Here are five ways to succeed with resolutions, if you dare:

1. Make them meaningful, whether tied to the beginning of the year or not. Do better by distancing them from the tradition of New Year’s resolutions you don’t intend to keep. Try Feb 1 as resolution day. Add meaning and stick to it ivity to your resolutions, by committing to very few; Make those simple and meaningful.

2. Enrich them with detail, but not too much: rite down the answers to these questions about the desired outcome of your resolution: What is it specifically that I want? (Usually an outcome or result: I will lose 15 lbs. this year.) Is it achievable—by a human being—and particularly, by me? How will I know I have achieved it? Be specific: what will I see, hear, feel that will provide evidence? Is this outcome within my personal control? (If other people and forces are involved significantly, it is not completely within your control. But if you can do your part and then work to enroll others in the mission, it may be quite do able.) What will it cost me: in time, resources, money, relationships? Is the outcome worth the costs? Do I have the necessary resources? Can I acquire them? To learn more about these powerful questions, search for info on the “well formed outcome” in articles about neuro linguistics.

3. Make goals manageable: Break them down into bite sized pieces, and grow them as you go. A client initially resolved to lose weight, start a degree program and find a new job all at once as part of her whole soul makeover. But with coaching (and coaxing!) she agreed to explore first what she wanted her new career to be, and take only the first required course. By the end of the semester, she had learned enough about the field to be goal specific, and began losing weight when new confidence made nervous eating unnecessary. The job then came from the recommendation of one of her teachers.

4. Flexibility trumps failure: Concreteness is helpful, but inflexibility is rarely helpful. Failure isn’t permanent or insurmountable. If you see the project as an experiment, whatever doesn’t go as expected is not failure but additional information. Become a good student and find the adjustments that are needed, then make them.

5. Be open to other insights and perspectives. Actively seek assistance and coaching from friends, and opportunities to be accountable—but not commiseration. Remember to reward yourself for even the smallest successes. ©2009 by Wendy Lapidus Saltz. All rights reserved.

About the Author: Wendy Lapidus-Saltz helps people break habits they don’t need, create possibilities they want, and remake themselves and their lives. To the question “It’s 2009, isn’t it time life got better?” she answers a resounding “Yup!” And she’s helping it happen. Find out more at and . Article Source:

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